Friday, February 5, 2010
Semester 2: Blog#2
A couple miles down State Route 67 in the East county of San Diego, I turn right onto Willow Road. This road can lead to a jewel. My car bounces down the muddy road, soaked from rain. River through river I splash, the trees hang over my car, as I turn where it says 'Deliveries'. Driving down, there are some little houses, fences and rings to run horses. A stable stands before the other cars. Shift gears. Emergency Brake, and my car sits by the others already there. Get out. Breathe in. The air is fresh. No smog, no pollution–just air. I continue on this journey. Walking up past the barn, a donkey comes over to greet me. Pet the donkey. Steal a kiss. His name is Eeyore. Continue on. I walk through the maze of different rooms, and get to the trailer. The door is open. It looks like she got up a little early for me. Her dog runs out. Jessie. I pet the dog, and smile. Looking to the left, sitting on a huge box, is a cheetah. A site to puzzle a person. First a donkey, then a dog, and then a cheetah. I enter the trailer. At the computer there she sits. Leaning forward towards the computer, glasses on, typing with one finger. She's hard at work. She turns, and there we are, face to face. Joan Embery. This tall, crazy blonde character stands up in greeting. Her booming voice startles at first, but her warm smile changes that quickly. She says, "Want to see the Ranch?". My eyes open wide, a slight gasp escapes my throat. "Lets go check it out!". She gets up and walks past. "Jess!" She calls. Not much use since her dog is right by her side already. She walks to the golf cart, pushes a box off the seat. She summons me to hop in. Then her dog, squeezes on and gracefully sits, with her bottom on the bench of the cart. I laugh. Seeing a dog sit so human like is odd. Joan backs out with ease, and shoots off through the stables. I look all around at the horses, the mules, the zebra! Too much. I hold on for dear life, we bounce and speed around the Ranch, as she points out where everything is. This ride is over too soon. We return to the trailer, and I wipe my shoes on the leopard print rug. I sit down in the worn leather chair. Looking at her, she sits as well. She looks at me, "Well, how about that interview?"
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I think it's very descriptive, but the stop-start sentences you have going on kind of disrupt the flow. However, I think that you put a lot of thought and effort into writing this and it shows. You just need to make it less choppy.
ReplyDeleteI like how it's written, and the choppiness sort of defines it in a way. I'd say there's nothing to change
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a GREAT idea to use an anecdote. I thought it was creative. You practically painted a picture for the reader to visualize every scene and all your surroundings.
ReplyDeleteThe end was especially engaging when it brought the reader back to life with that last line.